We're Still Havin' Fun ...

I think the clouds are lifting - not to be cliche but I do feel as though I've been living under a pretty dark sky these past weeks. My breakup with Shayne coupled with a messy house, messy finances, and even messier emotions = cloudy with a chance of "holy-shit-things-have-GOT-to-get-better".

I had a spectacular weekend though! I slept a TONNE, started reading The Time Traveller's Wife (be still my beating heart, I've fallen in love with another book) and did laundry. I know - riveting. But what seems common-place to you is pretty much epic to me. I never have time to do the "mundane" things other people take for granted (grocery shopping, watching t.v., cooking, getting BORED) so when the opportunity presents itself - let's just say I'm all about it. Now that I mention it - I can't remember the last time I was bored. Oh man ... this life is making me crazy.

I had a scary moment last week. I was sitting quietly in my room drinking freezing cold red wine (apparently, not the way to go) and I had a thought. I pondered the crazy way my life has been going lately and how I've had no time to myself and then I had an idea: "I wish I could just check myself into the psych ward for a couple days just so I can get some rest". DING DING DING. Those would be alarm bells. Going off. In my crazy ass head.

So, welcome to my relaxing new life. I've still got a jam-packed 2 weeks ahead of me but I'm getting more rest and staying home more. God, I love having no money - it's such a great excuse to do nothing. Anyways - has anyone else ever had the thoughts I had?

Because It's More Than Just A Word

I am love - throw me around like a casual Sunday
Give me away and steal me like candy
I'll push you, pull you, make and break you
You let me get so close - and you don't even know me

You let me define you and crawl up inside you
I'm feeding on feelings you think you understand
But you're mistaken, good friend, you know nothing at all
Not love, just lust or affection in a convincing mask

Use my name, lure those around you in
People love to hear my name in the same sentence as theirs
But before you know it, I've left you
Because I was never with you to begin with

You're angry now, like I masqueraded to hurt you
But you clothed me, you diguised me, you created me
And while you were busy being enchanted and misguided
I slipped from your broken hands without even moving.

You Know You're Right

I've clearly been listening to too much Nirvana (is there such a thing?!). It's Friday (for those of you without a calendar) and that means one thing to me - a weekend full of questions and more questions - hopefully I can fit in a tan!! But seriously, this is probably going to be a difficult weekend in general. Shayne and I go to the same church so I'll be seeing him on Sunday - which I must admit, I'm dreading. I want to see him - to clear the air - but I know it's hard for him (and me) to interact at the moment. I feel like we're locked in a custody battle over friends and church - even though both of us are above that sort of thing. I just don't want to make things even harder for him - seeing as I'm walking around with all this guilt anyways, what's a little more?

Aside from that, I plan to delve into the epic love that is Pearl Jam and hopefully see some folks I've been neglecting lately. If your plans are better than mine (no doubt, they probably are) feel free to brag.

Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-changes!

First of all - Shayne and I broke up or are taking a break or whatever - I haven't talked to him in a while so I don't know where we stand. That's going to make things this summer really awkward as we rsvp'd to 3 weddings together. So, I'm sad and I'm dealing with it and I really don't want to talk about it anymore, ok? Ok.

Aside from that, work and life are still the same. I am never home anymore (what is WITH these seasons I go through of never being home?!) so I miss my bunny like crazy - but apparently Muss is taking good care of her. This is shaping up to be a busy weekend - one of my friends is turning 27 in just under a month and I made him decide to do 27 things he's never done before his birthday. So making that list was good times - most of the things involve making him look like a total clown while I take pictures. Woohoo! Happy Birthday to him!

School is starting in a couple months and I couldn't feel more unprepared. I don't have the money, supplies or time at the moment - as scary as that is. So, I'm working on removing some of the clutter in my life to make more room for all the time part-time school is going to take up. I hope my friends understand that being a hermit is totally "in" cause they're never gonna see me.

I miss Tina like crazy - she's decided to stay in England until December (at the earliest) so that's another long season without her. She's been really supportive during my break-up with Shayne, so that makes me miss her more.

Oh, and Muss is a douche cause she never updates her blog.

The end.