You Make The Rockin' World Go 'Round

They slashed my tire. MY tire. I am so nice to pretty much everyone - who the heck would want to inconvenience me in this fashion? Wait ... oh yeah ... WE LIVE IN A HOVEL. Our neighbourhood is just so ghetto. Meredith and I were both startled by a gunshot in our back alley last night and then this morning, welcome to riding the rim down Lewvan. Geez.

So it's Thursday and I swear, the "powers that be" are trying to ruin my favourite day! By the way - wanna know who your real friends are? Get a wicked flat tire at 8am and see who offers/comes to get you. The people who don't respond to your texts/calls? Not worth your time. But the friends that leave work (even though they only just got there) and the ones with stomach flu who offer to come get you despite all the throwing up - THEY are the true friends. My girls.

So now I've got to buy a new tire. Just a reminder folks - that car isn't mine - it's my sister's. And she will flay me where I stand if I don't get that shit fixed and QUICK. So that's how I'm spending my evening. Hooray. Anyways, things had better shape up or I'm going to lose it.

Hope your day is better than mine.

_

Home

I want to give you dreams and visions.

I want to light up your life.

I want to make things better than they've ever been before.

I want to heal you.

I want to love you and show you how to love.

I want to make you whole.

Not again, but for the first time.

I want to prove Myself to you.

I want to be trusted by you.

I want to be all the things you beg Me to be.

I want you to let Me.

You Know Who You Are ...

For all the ways I'm known by you
And all the ways I know you

For all the times you've stood by me
And all the times I'll stand for you

For every way you affect my heart
And every way I'm blessed by you

For every desperate midnight phone call
And every tearful lunch

For every scandalous, painful story
And your effortless defense of me

For hysterical laughter in wild abandon
And joy in the same old songs

For every moment I thought I'd never heal
And your every promise that I would

For every hug that meant more than words
And every word that softened my heart

For every blessed future imagined
And every filthy past forgotten

For every way you've helped me settle
And all the time spent breaking down walls

For every single one of my girls
In every way I love you.

God, Help Me

Two posts in one day - this MUST be important. I just heard this song on the radio ... I'm so glad today's youth are listening to this trash:

So Hot - Kid Rock

You got a body like the devil and you smell like sex
I can tell you're trouble but I'm still obsessed
Because you know you're

SO HOT
I wanna get you alone
SO HOT
I wanna get you stoned
SO HOT
I dont wanna be your friend
I wanna xxxx you like I'm never gonna see you again

You're like the kiss of death, like the hand of faith
I can tell you're trouble but I still wanna taste


Lord, help our youth...

I'm Holdin' Out For A Hero!

Hellboy 2 - terrible ass movie. Don't waste your time or money.

Moving on: What is with the weather lately!? I don't get it. It's the middle of July - it's supposed to be smokin' hot but it's overcast and grey and rainy. I don't understand it. Not that I mind - but a little bit of sun would be nice.

I think I'm crazy. Really I do. I got so excited while I was in Wal-Mart yesterday cause I found the coolest present for my little "nephew" Duncan. It's one of those big plastic balls that you inflate and then climb into and you can roll around inside the ball! Like a little hamster ball but for kids! And get this: the ball has arm, leg and head holes so you can wear it like a suit and walk around! Seriously ... I was thisclose to getting it for little Dunkers but he's still too young. And Becky might kill me.

I wish they made those for adults.

Cold Hard Bitch

Oh, the weekend. Allow me to swoon: I stayed home all weekend. Well, pretty much. Friday night was Church night (but that'll be stopping henceforth so Friday nights will be free once again!) and then excessive Scrubs watching with Muss! Then Saturday rolled around and rocked my world! I ran some errands and then hung out with Shayne. Okay - so maybe that particular event didn't rock my world. It was hard to see him and spend time with him - it was probably too soon. We still have the same physical chemistry and inclinations as we always did so it was weird to try and ignore that and just be friendly. I felt bad though - I'm sure he was hoping for more reconciliation talk but all I could say was: Get over me so God can work in/through you. Yeah, yeah. "Cold Hard Bitch" by Jet is playing through my mind right now.

So, score 1 for the guys at work - so far, you can't be friends with your ex.

Next - I went for dinner with my ladies and then to Mel's house to play "Catch Phrase". Seriously, I rock at this game. I ROCK at it. It should be a sport cause I'd medal in it for sure. At least silver, but probably gold. Recognize.

And that brings us to yesterday - or as I like to call it "Reconciliation Sunday". House Church was at Mandy and Shawn's and Lord, was I blessed! Such great worship and such a good word from Shawn. "Boy I'm Angry At" was there and was going through some stuff - it was hard to watch because I care about him so much and could see how hard it was for him to receive some of the words being spoken over him. I'm so glad others care about him enough to speak into the messed up areas of his life. He talked to me last night and claims he's in a better place now and wants to resume our friendship - I'm reserving judgement on his stability and keeping my distance. Can't help but hope against hope he means it ...

That's all! I've got a crazy week ahead (I get to see Taryn, Tasha, Mandy, Becky, "Boy I'm Angry At" and of course, my girls) so who knows when the next update will come. Stay tuned.

You've Got Me Feelin' Emotions

It's thundering like crazy right now. I love storms. I think every girl says that though - I don't know many girls that are like "Naw, storms are gay - I like when it's still and quiet outside all the time".

I had an ill-advised discussion with my boss and co-worker today about men/women and their friendships. I'm determined that Shayne and I will be friends despite our breakup. They keep telling me it's never gonna happen and the only way he'll be friends with me is if he thinks we'll end up together ... I don't like this idea. I want to be friends.

Is it possible?

Are You Gonna Be My Girl?

Whew. Hope I didn't scare anyone with my last post. Obviously, I've got some stuff going on at the moment and it's made me a little "on edge". Sorry about that. But, it's over now - and now …

Thank God For These Things Thursday

1) My bed - I know, I've posted a lot about my bed in the past but seriously … it's so epic. I got the best sleep I've had in a long time last night.

2) Muss - She cooked for me when I got home yesterday cause she knew I was having a bad day. I'm so thankful that my roommate/best friend understands that carbs ALWAYS put me in a better mood.

3) Books - Sounds lame, but go with me on this one. I've been going thru a literary dry spell as of late and I think I've finally snapped out of it! I just finished "The Time Traveller's Wife" (so, so, SO good) and I can't wait to get my hands on "The Lovely Bones". Oh God, I'm falling in love with books again.

4) Air Conditioning - The sound of our AC lulls me to sleep at night. I appreciate the cool atmosphere in my room.

5) My body - It is by no means perfect and yes, I could stand to lose a few pounds but God help me, I love my body today. It's got curves in flattering places and my skin is fairly soft and my boobs haven't gone totally south yet - so I appreciate the way my body is holding up. I have a woman's body.

6) Driving - I've always loved driving and I happen to know that I am a great driver. I really am. After driving for 5 years, I still like it. Sometimes I drive around aimlessly, listening to music and drinking a slurpee.

7) Kiki - She's so encouraging and never makes me feel like a dumb-ass for falling into a trap she warned me about. She just gives me a hug, prays it through with me and reminds me that we all make mistakes. Some more than others.

Wake Up

I would just like to say, this song perfectly describes my life right now:

Take A Bow - Rihanna

You look so dumb right now,
Standin' outside my house,
Tryin' to apologize,
You’re so ugly when you cry,
Please, just cut it out.

Talkin’ 'bout girl,
I love you, you’re the one,
This just looks like a re-run,
Please, what else is on.

And don’t tell me you’re sorry 'cause you’re not
When I know you're only sorry you got caught
And the award for the best liar goes to you

Oh yes, it's angry. And so am I. I find it absolutely astonishing how some people behave. How can someone justify treating another person (a FRIEND, even) with such utter disregard and then have the gall to blame it on God?! "I'm just in a bad place right now/I need healing/God's working on my heart". Don't do that - don't you dare bring God into it. If you can't behave in a way that brings glory to God, don't you dare use His name to justify your behaviour.

I give a lot of grace to my friends. I've been given a lot of second chances and I feel it's only appropriate to give others the opportunity to make good. But I got duped this time. Again. Sorry guys - I need a second. Just allow me to do something important:

I trusted you - I gave you second, third, fourth, thousandth chances and each time I actually believed with everything in me that you would pull through - that you'd shape up. But the sad thing is - you never did. You played me and I hate you for it. I hate that I let you get so close, I hate that I let you know me, I hate that you read me so easily now - I hate being known by someone who so obviously doesn't know themselves. And I hate that you made me doubt myself - that you made me second guess my decisions. That you made me naive for a season. Because I'm not stupid, I'm not reckless and I'm not naive. And you know what? You don't know me. Not anymore. Cause you've never seen this side of me - the side that won't let you in anymore, won't let you near me, won't let you have an opinion about my life. The side that chooses ME over YOU. The side that decides to protect myself - because you so obviously aren't going to.

Welcome to the new side of me. Now get the hell out of my life.

For Becky (Jelly Bean)

I love the way you faithfully read my blog.
I promise to faithfully update it more.

I love the way my friends get excited for you the way I do.
I promise to allow them to love you like I do.

I love the way you bring me coffee when I stay at your place.
I promise to cut down on the sugar and cream.

I love the way you and Paul are with each other.
I promise to refuse anything less.

I love the way you love Duncan (and this other Beating Heart).
I promise to love them too.

I love the way you laugh hysterically at my dumb ass stories.
I promise to always create those moments for us.

I love the way you take a bite of my cheeseburger every time.
I promise to never become a vegetarian.

I love the way you let me transition without resenting me.
I promise to always let you do the same.

I love the way you love God. Because I know you do.
I promise to always give you room to express that.

I love you Jelly Bean. My sister. My friend.