Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Speaking of Which ...

*

Me: I hope my issues don't scare you off ... don't give up on me.
Him: I couldn't if I tried.

*

Monday, March 30, 2009

I'm On My Way

**
Sorry to say, I don't have much of an update on Mr. Love Letter but when I do, I'll let you guys know. It's too early to tell if it's worth blogging much more about (that sounded so lame).

I'm so excited for school to be done so I can start living like a normal person again! I spent my weekend writing papers and trying to sqeeze in time with my loved ones - the next few weeks will be much of the same. Exciting, no?

I've had a lot on my mind and heart lately - especially involving Mr. Love Letter. This time last year I was in a fairly serious relationship and 9 months after our break-up, we're only just starting to talk again. I'm terrified. I don't want to hurt someone else and I definitely don't want to be hurt. This is one of those situations where it could either end up being nothing or everything. I'm taking it slow and trying not to let it mean too much to me - but at the same time, I'm afraid that it will end up meaning something to me and I'll regret not diving in when I had the chance.

I'm so scared to admit that I'm not sure I can handle this. And I'm so scared to admit that I really want this to be something. So I'll admit it here, on my blog, and then I'll never have to say it out loud.
**

Wednesday, March 04, 2009

Truth Is - I Am Done Pretending

I feel like the best way to describe today would be to slam my face into my keyboard and allow the smatter of letters spell it out for me. I can't do that for multiple reasons (one of which being I'm at work and my boss would be angry that I didn't let him do it for me) so I'll just dump it all on here in words that you can (hopefully) read.

You know what's worse than the cold weather we are privvy to here in Canada? Waiting for the cold. Right before I step outside for the first time each morning, I die a little inside. It's so warm in my house and I just KNOW that in about 30 seconds I'm going to be freezing cold. I think the moments before the cold are harder to endure than the cold itself.

So right now, in my life, I am at the door. I'm waiting to step out into the cold for the first time and I'm dreading it. A lot of people describe depression as a cloud or darkness but to me it's cold. 100% freezing. Yesterday I was officially diagnosed with "endogenous depression" which, by definition, is: a biological depression, which is caused solely by a chemical imbalance in the brain and is genetic. This kind of depression makes sleep improbable and constant fatigue probable.

AWESOME.

My doctor told me to take it easy, get some rest, allow the pills to bring me back to normal. So, after hearing this news I decided I needed to alleviate some of the stress of school/work/LIFE and drop a class I am doing terribly in. I just got an e-mail from "The Powers That Be" advising me that I won't be able to drop it without dropping another one of my classes. It's a long story and the details don't matter - I'm stuck. I have to keep this schedule that I'm on. And that, my friends, is fucking depressing. I'll be fine but still ... today sucks.
_

Monday, March 02, 2009

Early Morning Product Placement

Me: D, I want - nay - I NEED a ShamWow!
D: What, pray tell, is a ShamWow?
Me: What!? It's like Jesus ... in a towel ...
D: Uh ...
Me: Prepare to receive the youtube link that will change your life.
(** after watching the ad **)
Me: What CAN'T a ShamWow do!? You could use it for anything!
D: You could make a ShamWow suit and pee yourself!
Me: And after the shame had set in, a ShamWow would dry my tears.
My Boss: Oh shut UP!
Me: You're just jealous. You have yet to know the truth.
My Boss: And what truth is that?
Me: The ShamWow is the second coming of Christ.

Happy Monday!
_