In Which I Cry

**If you are one of the families that has welcomed me in like a daughter, I can't thank you enough. Please don't take this post the wrong way - your love and support has meant the world to me. You are my family **

I miss my Dad. Just typing those 4 words causes my eyes to fill with tears and a lump to form in my throat. I don't usually admit that sort of thing (especially for 200+ people to see) but I'm really hoping that by getting it out there, I'll find a little peace. My Dad used to be my hero - so much so that when he came home from work at the end of every day, he'd burst through the front door and holler "Super Dad!!" That's how I knew he was home - that's how I knew he was close. We'd watch t.v. together and every once in a while I'd lean over and rest my head on his shoulder and he'd kiss my forehead.

Despite his best efforts, I was never embarrassed to introduce him to my friends. He was a "cool Dad", one who understood the importance of noticing a new hairstyle or complimenting an outfit; I was told that he was proud of me and that I was beautiful every single day. He was great with my friend's parents too and always made a conscious effort to remember their names should he run into them again.

When meeting any boy in my life he was always reassuring and funny - telling them to "take a deep breath" if they were nervous and poking fun at me to break the ice. I don't know of one single person who has met my Dad and come away with something negative to say. He's the king of First Impressions and unfailingly engaging; he's the one who taught me how to quickly and subtly find a common ground with any stranger to win them over or put them at ease (a tactic that has secured me many jobs and turned acquaintances into friends).

Today, I'm heart-broken to say, I barely know my Dad. Circumstances beyond my control have forced us apart and transformed such a beautiful relationship into a vague familiarity. I hardly ever see him and I can't remember the last time we talked on the phone. I tell myself that it's normal and that parents and kids naturally drift apart after a while ... but I'm not so convinced. My closest friends talk to their parents almost every day and these days it's hard to deny my jealousy. My friends tell their parents about their lives while my Dad doesn't know that I love to paint and fish and he doesn't know that I'm planning a trip to somewhere exotic for Spring Break. My Dad doesn't know that this distance breaks my heart and that I'd trade almost anything to bridge the gap between us and know he's close once more.

And while I know he's proud of me and I know he loves me, I don't know him anymore and he doesn't know me. And at the end of the day, foolish or not, I want my Super Dad back.