Wednesday, May 06, 2009

You Jerk

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Well, it was bound to happen, right? Eventually I was bound to feel "something" in connection to the recent events that I've been handling so well. Don't get me wrong, I still don't feel the need to yell or scream or exact my revenge - but man-oh-man, am I annoyed!

You see, there are people on this Earth that believe everything happens for a reason and that there is a lesson to be learned amidst chaos and pain - I am one of those people.

There are also people on this Earth that are masters at manipulation and have the ability to transform themselves into who/what others desire them to be - he is one of those people.

Now, imagine those two people collide. Throw in words like "God's will" and "divine appointment" etc and that's a recipe for disaster - especially if one of those people (the Eternal Optimist or the Apparent Alchemist) doesn't have the right motives.

My motives were pure and my heart was vulnerable - it's not easy for me to trust men, especially those that seem to be too good to be true. His motives ... well ... let's just say they weren't as pure. I'm not about to list the ugly things he did and I'm not going to act like it didn't hurt to be let down (again) - but yes, I'm annoyed.

I'm annoyed that he used God as an anvil to give his words weight. I'm annoyed that he acted like him moving on to another girl was cause for congratulation. I'm annoyed that I talked about him and got butterflies when thinking about him. I'm annoyed that I let him mean something to me when I could have stuck to my old ways and not had to feel any of this.

But, then I would have missed out on the important lesson that I learned through this situation - I'm not heart-broken because every single day I surrendered my feelings to God and asked that He protect me from getting too attached - and He did.

Though this man hurt me, our Father is wiser and stronger and I will relax in the knowledge that He will vindicate me.
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Tuesday, May 05, 2009

Lucky Lucky, I'm So Lucky

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For Kiki, on a day when she feels "less than" when she is really so much more than she knows.

Remember that time ...

... You "helped" me climb on the roof in Dublin and I slipped, sliding all the way down the roof and almost falling to my death and all you could scream was "Jen! Don't die! You can't leave me here alone!!"

... I tried on those panties that were about 9 sizes too small and they ripped clean off my body!

... We watched "28 Days Later" and you forced me to let you sleep in my bed that night cause you were so scared that zombies were going to come get you.

... We ordered that massive "Wagon Wheel" pizza from Mizzoni's (can't believe I remember the name of that place) and we had to turn it sideways to fit it through the door!

... You burst into tears at that coffee shop because you JUST. COULDN'T. HANDLE. LIFE.

... We put that pylon on Cam's head and made him run around like a zombie, chasing the other kids.

... You called me hysterically crying from the airport because all the turbulence on your flight home to Canada scared you and you thought you were going to die.

... You lost your mind when the Africa team went home and had to take the day off work cause you couldn't stop crying.

... I had to scale the countertops and stove to run that excessively long ethernet chord all over the kitchen to set up our internet service that we only kept for 2 months before we moved again.

... Those sequined shoes you wore to walk around Dublin that cut up your feet and they got all infected and gross.

... We stayed up ALL NIGHT (multiple times) to watch Friends/CSI/3 Wishes/X-Factor etc.

Despite my feelings about Dublin, we had the best time together. You've always been able to cheer me up, inspire me and convince me to keep on pressing in when I want to do anything but. I love you, Keek - you are so much more than you know.

Have a better day, love.
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Monday, May 04, 2009

Living on a Prayer

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Stuff I Learned This Weekend:

1) Muss is back ... she's a little sad, I'm whole-heartedly delighted. Welcome home, man.
2) All great conversations should include the words "I'll bring the keg on wheels" with the response "I think we're on to something here ..."
3) I may be terrible at pool but I absolutely love it.
4) Life at it's sweetest: Last night Muss and I set off rockets in a park while Kris and Kiki played on the swings.
5) Not every picture has to have sentimental value - stop hoarding - just throw some of them away!
6) I'll never be as blonde as I was when I was a kid.
7) Our society values possessions but my back begs me to downsize for the big move happening in a couple weeks.
8) Despite some of the stuff that's happened lately, I'm still really happy.
9) I miss playing guitar but I love having long nails too much to cut them so I can play again.
10) The more brown I get from tanning, the more I love my body.
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