You Jerk

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Well, it was bound to happen, right? Eventually I was bound to feel "something" in connection to the recent events that I've been handling so well. Don't get me wrong, I still don't feel the need to yell or scream or exact my revenge - but man-oh-man, am I annoyed!

You see, there are people on this Earth that believe everything happens for a reason and that there is a lesson to be learned amidst chaos and pain - I am one of those people.

There are also people on this Earth that are masters at manipulation and have the ability to transform themselves into who/what others desire them to be - he is one of those people.

Now, imagine those two people collide. Throw in words like "God's will" and "divine appointment" etc and that's a recipe for disaster - especially if one of those people (the Eternal Optimist or the Apparent Alchemist) doesn't have the right motives.

My motives were pure and my heart was vulnerable - it's not easy for me to trust men, especially those that seem to be too good to be true. His motives ... well ... let's just say they weren't as pure. I'm not about to list the ugly things he did and I'm not going to act like it didn't hurt to be let down (again) - but yes, I'm annoyed.

I'm annoyed that he used God as an anvil to give his words weight. I'm annoyed that he acted like him moving on to another girl was cause for congratulation. I'm annoyed that I talked about him and got butterflies when thinking about him. I'm annoyed that I let him mean something to me when I could have stuck to my old ways and not had to feel any of this.

But, then I would have missed out on the important lesson that I learned through this situation - I'm not heart-broken because every single day I surrendered my feelings to God and asked that He protect me from getting too attached - and He did.

Though this man hurt me, our Father is wiser and stronger and I will relax in the knowledge that He will vindicate me.
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