Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Since When?


Since when are you not worth more than this? I'm sure this post will make you a little angry and probably more than a little annoyed, but come on, someone has to say it.


For every girl who allows herself to be treated like a booty call - HEAR THIS:

The right guy for you will WANT to be with you - he'll call, he'll text, he'll e-mail, he'll spell it out in alpha-bits, or use a sky-writing plane if he has to! A guy who truly wants to be with you will spend his time making sure that's possible. If he only contacts you for sex, romantic companionship, or intimacy that on ANY level exceeds that of a healthy friendship - he's using you.

Now, please note: "using" someone doesn't always take a malicious form. Sometimes he just really needs that closeness - someone to be near to him for emotional support or any number of other things. Sometimes he's not an asshole - and yes, sometimes he doesn't even realize he's doing it. HOWEVER, sometimes he's just using you and unfortunately, sometimes he's doing it on purpose.

Why, why, why would you allow yourself to engage in such a dysfunctional relationship? You deserve better. Don't be his shoulder to cry on, his fall-back date, his safety net so that he can escape feeling lonely or horny or uncomfortable in any way. Don't do it.

Stop trying to convince him that you're "chill enough" to just be friends.
Stop trying to convince yourself that that's what you really want.
Stop trying to convince your friends that they just don't understand, that you know him better than they do.

Here's some advice - and I promise, I've tested it personally so please learn from my pain:

If you have to hide it, you shouldn't be doing it. If you can't introduce him to your friends and family, you shouldn't be with him. If he doesn't want to be involved in the aspects of your life that are most important to you, get out and do it fast. If you have to use the sentence "Well, he's just really confused/overwhelmed/scared of commitment/stressed etc" to explain or justify why he won't call you his girlfriend and treat you as such, MOVE ON.

And let me just say (also from experience): if your "relationship" revolves solely around sex (in ANY FORM) with some good conversation thrown in between trysts, you are a BOOTY CALL (also known as a holla back girl). If he's afraid of commitment but is fully committed to getting into your pants, I hate to be the one to tell you, you've given him permission to treat you like his own personal dial-a-lay.

Don't settle for the temporary satisfaction of physical contact. If you want more and he doesn't, don't sit around and wait for him to wake up and realize you're incredible and beautiful and he'd be a fool to let you go. Don't get me wrong - all of that is true. But the real truth is, if he wanted you to be his girlfriend, he'd ask. He wouldn't just give you permission to call yourself that because it makes you feel good.

If this hurts you, I'm sorry. But, it should sting a little because you know it's true. I've been where you are - I've allowed guys to treat me like a door-mat and only call me when they find that their "needs" aren't being met. Trust me - BELIEVE ME - I know that facing those feelings of rejection and loneliness can be daunting and sometimes you'd rather keep pretending that you and he are "together" and one day he'll realize it. But you're not together - you're being strung along.

He doesn't love you. He's using you. Stop giving him permission to treat you like a booty call.

This is not who you are.


M.A.I said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Blogger M.A.I said...

Yes, yes and yes. You are very eloquent Miss Gibson and I think this may sink deeper than the talk that was had prior. I hope it does. For everyone's sanity. It makes me mad that it's gotten to this point and it's so disappointing.

You did an excellent job with this and it's better than anything I would've put out.