Monday, February 27, 2012

A Champion















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Until very recently, I have been undeniably unlucky in love. Never one to heed a warning or acknowledge an obvious sign, I habitually walked heart-first into disastrous relationships that left me huddled and broken, vowing to know better next time. The most recent disaster broke me down from the inside out and left me terrified of ever feeling anything ever again.

And then there was James.

I'm completely without words when I try to articulate what and who he is. Suffice to say, he's the game-changer. The first time we met, I genuinely felt the atmosphere around me shift. I physically felt my body relax and I felt like, for the first time in months, I could breathe again. He calmed me and put me at ease - the affect he had on me was instant and tangible.

Since that moment, not a day has gone by that I haven't felt completely, overwhelmingly lucky to have him in my life and by my side. A partner in the truest sense, he makes me feel like all the rambling, emotional, manic parts of myself have found a safe-house in him. He is a truth that I had no idea how to recognize and he is the love I was sure I would never find.

Though I feel I fall embarrassingly short of the kind of woman he deserves, he believes me to be everything I lack. When I fail him, he shows me the kind of grace I feel incapable of showing others. When I punish him for the deeds of those who knew my heart before him, he recognizes my fears and insecurities and reminds me (yet again) that he is not them.

In the past, I've loved liars, abusers, addicts, thieves, con-men, and criminals. But today, I love a man who proves them all to be boys who were incapable of loving me back.

Every fiber of my being reaches for him despite time or proximity - and I find him, without fail, at the center of all that is good and beautiful in my heart.

For the first time, I'm in love with a good man.

For the first time, I'm in love with a champion.

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