Thursday, May 18, 2006

I'm sitting here trying to figure out why it is I want to WRITE. Out of all the things I could choose to do with my life, predominantly, my heart wants to write. But why? Ever since I was little, I've wanted to be a writer. Most 12 year olds go through that phase after reading the likes of "Harriet the Spy" or even "The Babysitter's Club", they want to write for the adventure of it - to pen the stories that hold them captive on Saturday afternoons, or holed up in their rooms after school. For me, reading was dangerous. If I had a book near me, I wouldn't study or do my homework or even come out to play. I NEEDED to finish whatever book I was in the middle of. And even if it wasn't any good - I wouldn't put it down til it was done - because what if it's just about to get good? The words, the stories, they captured me, and still do to this day.

So, I read hundreds of books. Of course I read Robert Munsch, Richard Scarry and all the classics for kids - but I also got into "The Mennyms", "Utopia" and yes, even "Hans Christian Anderson - a Biography". Back then I wasn't worried about reading something entertaining or even enlightening. I wanted to soak up every single book around me because in my heart - these people who wrote such brilliant works were my colleagues, my friends.

My heart needs to write. I need to spill my thoughts on to paper because, at times, that's the only way I can sort them out. And because I want to help people. I'm 21, and I've seen a lot. I've done much more than most people my age - and sometimes most adults. I lost my childhood - it was wasted on a man who didn't care about me or my family. So I turned to everything that could possibly ease my pain - sex, drugs, alcohol, money etc. And now, years later, I'm healing because I've found the one "thing" that satisfies - I've found Jesus. Cliche YES, but important? Absolutely. I want to write for the One person my heart burns for.

I have a lot to say, about Jesus, about drugs, about being a teenager and what that's like - and people need to hear it, they need to know. And there's something else I need to say when writing about these experiences and where the Lord has brought me - I need to tell girls who have been through what I have that nothing else will ever fit, will ever make you whole or make you feel loved the way Jesus will. He's what's missing, He's that thing you crave, He's why you cry yourself to sleep at night after the drugs, alcohol, sex and money are all gone. He's constant, He's trustworthy, He's not like "them".

I need to write for them, for those girls, and for me. But mostly, I need to write for Jesus.

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