So, it's Monday and I am sitting in this Internet cafe, annoyed, because:

a) I am PAYING to be here when I am supposed to have internet working in my home. I have the computer, I have the little grey box thing, but the service is messed. Ugh.

b) I didn't go to work today because, well, I just didn't feel like it and I feel like I wasted the whole day. I actually left the house at 5:30pm. Yeah, that's right, we got up at 2pm. And it's my last week at my job. I feel lazy and kind of guilty. I achieved nothing today.

c) It's a little too warm in here and I am getting a headache from this crap computer screen from 1885.

d) I am just realizing what I am getting myself into with this whole "Kiki and I are going to a JW church on Sunday to witness to them" thing. Yikes.

So, yes, I am annoyed now. A little. This JW thing on Sunday is a really big deal for me. And to be honest, I am not entirely sure why. I mean, I am all about witnessing to the lost and all that, but this is a pretty big organization we are messing with here. And, at this point in time, I am not so much a fan of confrontation. So much for taking it easy until we go home to Canada.

And what's up with all the young people I know getting engaged?! First Alex, then Destiny, now Jon. Like, I am 21 and don't want to be married for another few years, but these guys just went from grad dresses to wedding dresses! Well, one of them did anways. It worries me, but moreso, it makes me feel very pressured to get my act together. But I don't think, for me, getting my act together constitutes a wedding ring and a metro fiancee. Maybe it does. I don't know.

One last thing, my newest excuse for not going to University? It's bad for my self esteem! It makes me feel stupid when people constantly tell me things I don't already know. How's THAT for logic? Watch out Dr. Phil ...

This is my "I just got back from my Mum's in England and I got my freakin' hair CUT!!!" picture. Sorry it's so grainy but these internet cafe's aren't exactly prime quality ...

Today, Kiki and I went to fabulous Greystones. I can't describe how much I needed this little get away. I haven't been feeling very Christian lately. There's a lot of stuff that is getting in the way of my relationship with God and, as wrong as it is, that's my reality right now. I know that God is calling me to be more humble, more responsible and more mature - but how do I forgo the comfortable to embrace the unknown? I don't know what He has for me, I don't know where He's taking me, all I know is He's moving and (most days) all I want to do is be with Him. It's funny to me that despite all I know about Jesus and the Bible, I am still such a stranger to the truth sometimes. I think God must want to reach down from Heaven and wrap His knuckles on my head. Sometimes I swear I hear Him booming "HELLO! JEN!! Try to catch up ..." Right now I am reading a book called "What's So Amazing About Grace" by Philip Yancey. This man is brilliant. He's shedding a whole new holy light on the gift and responsibility that is grace. I'm reminded so often when reading this remarkable book, that I am slave in many ways to the unforgiveness in my life. I refuse to allow myself to grow or move on from certain relationships/situations that have hurt me - and I need to constantly remind myself - forgiveness doesn't make what the other person did okay or right - it makes ME free. I have shown so little grace to many people in my life - like it's my right to be hurt and angry or something. But it's not ... it's so not. I believe the Lord is calling me to a time of sacrifice - a time where I don't just offer up that which is holy and pleasing, but I offer Him that which is perverted and wrong - whatever it is that is tainting the spirit in me. I have nothing to offer but my life. I can't help but notice what an inadequate offering that is after all He has done for me. I am so blessed.