So, things are crazy and it's hard not to get discouraged. Work has been uncomfortable since the week I started - I won't go into detail because it's unnecessary, but I've had some trouble with a couple of the guys on my team. I feel like I can't rest with the situation hanging over me like a giant reminder of my past. I haven't done anything I regret ... but I hate that I considered it. I'm not as strong as I think I am ... and it's good that I learned this now before returning to Canada thinking I've got it all together.
Waiting for "him" is hard ... especially when I thought I had found him ... it's stupid and I hate being one of those girls who blogs about her "nowhere to be seen future husband" but I need to write it out of my system. So, here it is. I feel him ... I can sense him - not in a physical way but in my soul. I ache for him - not just to find him but to pray for his protection, for his heart - I ache to pray him out of the situations I know he's facing. And I can't see him anywhere. I'm not even looking anymore because I know I'll just know it when we meet - but I'm discouraged by being surrounded by jack-ass guys all day who turn guy-girl relationships into something so perverse that it makes me sick. I'm starting to lose hope. Not that he's out there and not that I'll find him - I'm losing hope that he'll be what I want him to be when I actually find him.
What if he's just a huge disappointment ? What if he's just like the others ... ?
More than Overanalyzing This Situation,
Jen
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
Gibby, it makes me sad to read this. After all the amazing things that you have said to me (that for the life of me i can't remember). After all the help, the encouraging, the reasuring, you turn around and start thinking like me! OH HOW THE TABLES HAVE TURNED! hahaha sorry had to add some humour. But seriously Jen, they arent all that way. I think one of the most important things that you helped me with was to have faith! remember the whole Hebrews 11:1 thing.... thats what you taught me!! You helped me realize that there was no reason to assume that all of them were the same, you helped me have faith that when the time was right, when i was alright, things would happen. you taught me to have faith in God and in myself, to not make the same mistakes that i had before. You are so much stronger than you think right now! Our brain likes to play tricks on us, just tell it politely to eff off and keep having Faith! He's out there! God has a special picked out for you! not just any ol shmoe! hahhaha
so in short keep your chin up! when you feel yourself falling into this line of thought just talk yourself through it. When ever you fall just pick yourself back up, dust yourself off and keep on keepin on! me and you are fighters jen. it's what we do. that and being coy! hahah PEACE out jenny bean
Sprink,
He will not be a disappointment becasue God knows what you need and He is going to bring the most amazing man into your life. Someone who will just floor you completely and disarm you in everyway, and you will do the same thing to him. Hold out becasue I know God has someone very special for you, becasue you are so special.
I love you and I know you will make it through this stuff!!
You are amazing, and you are STRONG, and you love Jesus so much and He think your alright too!!
Love Keeker
Post a Comment