I feel like the best way to describe today would be to slam my face into my keyboard and allow the smatter of letters spell it out for me. I can't do that for multiple reasons (one of which being I'm at work and my boss would be angry that I didn't let him do it for me) so I'll just dump it all on here in words that you can (hopefully) read.
You know what's worse than the cold weather we are privvy to here in Canada? Waiting for the cold. Right before I step outside for the first time each morning, I die a little inside. It's so warm in my house and I just KNOW that in about 30 seconds I'm going to be freezing cold. I think the moments before the cold are harder to endure than the cold itself.
So right now, in my life, I am at the door. I'm waiting to step out into the cold for the first time and I'm dreading it. A lot of people describe depression as a cloud or darkness but to me it's cold. 100% freezing. Yesterday I was officially diagnosed with "endogenous depression" which, by definition, is: a biological depression, which is caused solely by a chemical imbalance in the brain and is genetic. This kind of depression makes sleep improbable and constant fatigue probable.
AWESOME.
My doctor told me to take it easy, get some rest, allow the pills to bring me back to normal. So, after hearing this news I decided I needed to alleviate some of the stress of school/work/LIFE and drop a class I am doing terribly in. I just got an e-mail from "The Powers That Be" advising me that I won't be able to drop it without dropping another one of my classes. It's a long story and the details don't matter - I'm stuck. I have to keep this schedule that I'm on. And that, my friends, is fucking depressing. I'll be fine but still ... today sucks.
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2 comments:
dang. i totally had to do the medication and class-dropping bullshit last semester. you're not alone and you are so loved.
Taryn is right... you are totally not alone. You are going to get through this.... I will tutor you to death in order for you to pass this class babe!!! Don't worry, its totally normal to have one shit class every semester.
I am your biggest fan and I love you.
Its going to be ok.
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