I Love This Man

Okay, caution : This post will be shamelessly lovey dovey. Just so you know. You can't complain and make fun of me now because I warned you.

Last night Shayne called me and had made a difficult decision - I'm not the easiest person to stand up to (so I've heard), so it must have been difficult for him to know he was going to disappoint me. I'm not going to go into details because there's certain things that don't belong in the blog-o-sphere, but trust me - this was a difficult conversation for us to have. The basic idea is Shayne decided that to honour me and put me first in the way that he wants to - some things in our relationship need to change. I've never had a guy respect me so much and put me first - so I was totally freaked out. Totally.

Shayne is like ... this perfect, awesome guy that every girl would love to be with. He opens my car door for me, won't let me pay for anything, buys me flowers constantly, never stops telling me how much he loves me and how beautiful I am and he really, truly wants to show me how much he appreciates me and wants to respect me. Sometimes it causes me to pull away from him because I'm not sure how to let him love me that way.

And some of you will be glad to know (Tina), he takes NO CRAP from me. None. He calls me on all my shit and doesn't let me play games - but he does it in this way that isn't patronizing or obnoxious ... he just loves me and knows me so well already that he feels comfortable exposing all my little issues and loving me through them. It's unsettling being known so well by someone -that kind of vulnerability has never been sought out by me - I don't like being "known" because then I've got no control. And in this relationship, man ... Shayne is way more in control than I am. But I trust him ... I trust that he's leading me somewhere I want to go ... somewhere I need to go. I think I need someone like him to show me how I deserve to be loved. And if anything, these days ... I feel loved.

More than Mushy,
Jen