Saturday ... More Like "Scattered-Day!"

I know I'm lame. Absolutely no need to point it out. Today we were at the airport saying goodbye to a tearful friend. It was hard and I will so so so miss her. She seemed to bring a little bit of "home" to me. Seeing her go was hard, but seeing her so sad was harder. I guess all I can do is pray. My thoughts are scattered today and I'm sure they don't make any sense ... here's a story about today:

As we got on the bus, we met a 19yr old American from New Jersey. He was like a 40yr old teenager. We listened as he philosphised about life and his travels and it struck me just how hard he was trying. I can't imagine living like that - always exhausting yourself trying to sound intelligent or brooding. I used to live that way - not brooding or anything - but I used to live in fear that everyone would find me out. I guess I felt I was living this lie, pretending to be whoever "they" wanted and I was terrified that one day I would be too tired to act and they'd all see the real me. That day came and I don't think I've ever felt so relieved. They saw me, they reacted, they love me. I am so blessed with fabulous friends. I 'd never go back to that life now - I'm comfortable in my own skin. Almost too comfortable - people are insulted by my comfort. I think people resent me for it too - I've come across a couple girls (never guys ... hmmm) that make nasty comments about my self confidence or self worth - they write it off as pride. I write them off as jealous.

Anyways, just wanted to share my rambly thoughts with you guys today.

Miss you all immensely.

More than Scattered,
Jen