Things I've learned from and about my Mother

1) Standing up straight and wearing a good bra really WILL make you look thinner.

2) If you can't make a decent cup of tea AND a decent rye and coke, you are expendable on a Friday night in Medicine Hat. (Luckily for you, my Mom is willing to teach you how to do both. But she won't tolerate any faffing about and she will only show you ONCE).

3) You can flirt your way out of pretty much any situation (putting Tips 1 and maybe 2 to use will aid in this endeavour).

4) Don't assume – it makes an ass out of you and the customer.

5) Any problem, and I mean ANY problem will seem significantly smaller after a trip to the Bin. Especially when you almost get arrested for defending your Mom's "right to party" by throwing a drink in the bartenders face.

6) Nothing completes a trip to Wal-Mart like Mom freaking out at McDonald's luke-warm fries and her refusal to buy her own drink.

7) I'm "too pretty for tattoos".

8) Christina and I are forbidden from marrying men who aren't exceptionally good looking. "I don't want ugly grandchildren" is filtered into every conversation about marriage and babies.

9) "Is everybody having a good time?! I want to see lots of happy smiling faces!" when said through Mom's gritted teeth will coax even the most reluctant individual into "full-on terrified party mode".

10) No one makes my Mom laugh like me. NO ONE.

More than Hoping I Turn Out Just Like Her,
Jen